I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
