What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
