i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He did a backflip because drugs
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