I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
