I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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