I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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