Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
