Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
