Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
