I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
