worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
