It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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