Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My pussy is not your playground.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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