Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
