My hand turned me down
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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