ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
