careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
