Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
