Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
