you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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