I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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