Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
