Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
