Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
