I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
