i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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