I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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