I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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