Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
