He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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