i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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