Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
