I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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