if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
