South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
