you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
