you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
