there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
