i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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