singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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