dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
