Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
