I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
