it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
