Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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