Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
