I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
