My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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