never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
