I can text with my tongue
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
