If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
