dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
